Watching Jeff DaVanon

So for the last bit of time, I've been watching Jeff.... model the official warm-up sweatshirt and let us not forget..watching Jeff .... come into the game as a late-inning defensive replacement. It hasn't left me with much to do except answer my hate mail, and be annoyed, and watch heart-breaking Sox games.

So I've started a list of alternative possible uses for Jeff.

1) He and Josh Paul can make an effort to sit on opposite ends of the bench, thus balancing it perfectly and avoiding any unfortunate see-saw mishaps.

2) We can place him in front of a machine that transfers wind into power, have him swing, and generate enough power to, um, power something, probably small, that doesn't actually require a lot of electricity.

3) Sock manufacturers can use him as a spokesmodel in their attempt to bring back knee socks.

4) On particularly-poofy hair days, he can be used as part of an elaborate plot to convince fans that Angel Stadium is a time machine and we are all back in 1977.

5) Constant reminder that Figgins isn't a very strong outfielder, and probably shouldn't be thought of as a go-to guy for those outfield spots.

God this is depressing.